I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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