They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
