did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Less talking, more tequila
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
