I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
