I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
