It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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