Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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