Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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