the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
