evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
