Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
