no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
