i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
