I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
