fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
