ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
