I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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