i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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