his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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