so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
