I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
3 2 1 whiskey
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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