I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
