Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
