My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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