Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
