Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
