We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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