I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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