Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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