i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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