I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
