the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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