The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
