Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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