Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
