pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
