He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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