He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.