sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire