She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face