You're completely useless in the revolution.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"