Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?