if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings