Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

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(508): Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after http://tfl.nu/akdp

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(925): View more from California

just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.

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(925): just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck. http://tfl.nu/ybk3

Replies (61) Good night (3825) Bad night (1080)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.

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(503): I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best. http://tfl.nu/fuew

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(970): View more from Colorado

We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.

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(970): We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers. http://tfl.nu/cjb4

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(317): View more from Indiana

We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt

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(317): We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt http://tfl.nu/hqwl

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(514): View more from Quebec

she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up

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(514): she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up http://tfl.nu/zucc

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

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(+44): I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God http://tfl.nu/m4vw

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(312): View more from Illinois

I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.

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(312): I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other. http://tfl.nu/w5qg

Replies (20) Good night (1723) Bad night (668)
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(914): View more from New York

at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.

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(914): at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock. http://tfl.nu/0hid

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(304): View more from West Virginia

ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP

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(304): ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP http://tfl.nu/bbs8

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(316): View more from Kansas

At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!

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(316): At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/842p

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.

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(416): I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now. http://tfl.nu/vurn

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(702): View more from Nevada

He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin

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(702): He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin http://tfl.nu/paaj

Replies (4) Good night (1061) Bad night (462)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

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(419): Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg http://tfl.nu/keiy

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(619): View more from California

Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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(619): Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out? http://tfl.nu/ne0t

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