Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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