No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
