i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your cock deserves a montage
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
