i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
