I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
A+ Viking dick
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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