I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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