Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
