nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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