Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
