Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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