I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
