i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
