I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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