so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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