Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
