I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
