**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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