the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
