thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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