Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
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I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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