Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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