i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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