Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize